Friends!
I've missed writing to you so much. There has been all sorts of stuff going on which has made it very difficult for me to focus, but that's over now. I'm hoping with this update, and another one in a few days, to finally catch up. I left off last time when I arrived in Chiang Mai. Since then there have been two chunks: continuing to move and travel, and settling in Chiang Mai. This update will cover that first chunk.
Real Thai Family
I was lucky to secure a place with a very friendly couchsurfing host immediately upon arriving in Chiang Mai. The hosts are a mother and a daughter who live a good 15-20 km outside the city in a village called San Kham Paeng. I got along with them really well, and am still kind of in touch. I've visited them once and plan to visit again once more and cook for them. The place I stayed at was gorgeous. You can see pictures here: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=583572144678&set=a.583572124718.1073741827.9701799&type=3&theater. That was my room. All that being said, much of my interaction with them was continuously awkward and confusing, an abrupt introduction to Thai culture and all of the small things I would have to adjust to.
The confusion began before I arrived. The Couchsurfing profile is for a late middle-age retired teacher, however all of my communication was with her daughter, Pi Toey, who is roughly my age. She never bothered to explain why she answers requests through her mother's profile (I got some kind of explanation for this later on) or even warn me, so in the beginning I was not sure sure who I was talking to. Before arriving I was also sent a set of rules. One of these was that while breakfast would be provided, I had to eat lunch and dinner elsewhere. I had to make sure to have food for lunch and dinner, because Pi Toey's mom would otherwise insist on feeding me, but would later complain about feeding me. This sounded like a trap and was indeed very difficult to maneuver, because at times when I least expected it, I would be offered food, occasionally simply have food set down in front of me. Not only did I want to eat it, but everything I knew about politeness, especially in cultures similar to the culture here, said I was obligated to eat the food. But I also had my instructions. I think I came out ok, but it was an endless struggle.
Our first encounter also set an odd stage. I arrived in Chiang Mai rather late at night, close to 10 pm. I was not expecting to arrive so late, but everything ended up more delayed than I had expected it to be. I had a number of back-up plans in case Pi Toey was not able to host me if I were to come so late, and every time I communicated with her, I checked whether it was ok for me to come or if I should wait until tomorrow. She insisted there was no problem, and yet the first thing she said when they picked me up was how surprised she was that I came so late and that she had assumed I would just stay somewhere along the way. I don't know if she meant it accusingly, but I am always eager to please couchsurfing hosts, especially when I first meet them, and this felt like I was losing points right at the start.
Day to day interaction was somewhat more normal. I would wake up early in the morning, well before Pi Toey, and after her mom. Her mom would start talking to me, telling me stories. I would often sit for one to two hours listening to these stories, only able to sneak in a few words or comments, generally a yes or a no or a quick clarification question. After Pi Toey would wake up she would ask me my plans for the day, which mostly involved trying to get set up for my stay in Chiang Mai: finding a bike, figuring out housing, learning Thai. Mentioning any of these endeavors would lead her to spend the next one to two hours looking online, asking all her friends, and finding creative ways to show me maps that explain where things are to help me with my missions. I was very grateful for the help, but also amazed and concerned at the level of effort. I didn't know if I was culturally obliging her to help by telling her what I was doing.
Perhaps the most awkward situation happened the day before I left. It was Pi Toey's birthday, and her father, who lives in another city, was coming into town to celebrate. Sometime in the afternoon while I was running around town, I received a text message asking me not to come back until after 7 because her dad doesn't like foreigners. Just receiving that message was strange enough, but I decided to oblige, put in an extra buffer and made sure to arrive after 9. In them morning, I woke up and went to the breakfast table to discover Pi Toey's dad sitting there. Shit! What do I do now? Her mother is already setting things for me and calling me over, so I can't escape. I just tried to stay as silent as possible, answer questions politely, finish up and return to my room. I was slow moving that morning, so I was only ready to leave for the city by the early afternoon, when they asked me to join them for Pi Toey's birthday lunch at a nearby restaurant. One night I'm asked to come back home late to avoid running across her dad, the next day I'm invited to lunch with him. I made as clear as I could, in the confines of politeness, that I didn't want to intrude, but they insisted, so I joined. I asked Pi Toey about all of this later and what she had to say more or less boiled down to: he used to really dislike foreigners, but I guess he's over it.
Another Border Crossing
I had ten days between when I arrived in Chiang Mai and when my parents arrived for a short visit. I tried to spent most of that time hanging out with my Kalamazoo College friends who were still here on study abroad, and trying to get organized in whatever way possible so that after returning to Chiang Mai post trip with parents I could hit the ground running. I spent time looking for a bike, which I eventually found, tried to learn as much Thai as possible, and looked up Thai language courses and volunteer opportunities. I also spent time wandering about the city and trying to get my bearings as much as possible.
As a side adventure, I had to spend time going on a visa run. Most countries that let you in without a visa will give you 90 days just for the stamp in your passport. I had consulted with my friend Ellen who had spent a lot of time here and did some looking online, and while I knew I was not going to get 90 days here, I was for some reason under the delusion that I would be able to stay long term with stamps alone. There was constant talk of tourist visas, which I mistakenly assumed was a reference to these stamps. But when I crossed the border I only got 15 days. I finally did some more in depth research and had a full conversation with Ellen to realize that tourist visa was not an entry stamp but a not so cheap thing I would have to apply for at a consulate in another country. This is annoying under any circumstance because it means a long expensive trip. I was particularly worried because I discovered this fact on a Tuesday, and my parents were arriving the morning of the following Tuesday. Somehow I had to leave and get my visa in a week, and consulates don't operate on the weekend.
Luckily there are many foreigners in Chiang Mai who have to deal with all of these hoops. I found an agency that would pick me up Wednesday evening and was guaranteed to drop me off at the Thai consulate in Vientiane, the Laos capitol, on Thursday morning while visa applications could still be submitted. Then I could pick up my passport Friday afternoon and hop on the van back to Chiang Mai, arriving by Saturday morning. I was in the clear. I was also lucky to have my awesome friends from K who let me keep my big bag in their dorm and let me crash there a couple of nights.
I've missed writing to you so much. There has been all sorts of stuff going on which has made it very difficult for me to focus, but that's over now. I'm hoping with this update, and another one in a few days, to finally catch up. I left off last time when I arrived in Chiang Mai. Since then there have been two chunks: continuing to move and travel, and settling in Chiang Mai. This update will cover that first chunk.
Real Thai Family
I was lucky to secure a place with a very friendly couchsurfing host immediately upon arriving in Chiang Mai. The hosts are a mother and a daughter who live a good 15-20 km outside the city in a village called San Kham Paeng. I got along with them really well, and am still kind of in touch. I've visited them once and plan to visit again once more and cook for them. The place I stayed at was gorgeous. You can see pictures here: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=583572144678&set=a.583572124718.1073741827.9701799&type=3&theater. That was my room. All that being said, much of my interaction with them was continuously awkward and confusing, an abrupt introduction to Thai culture and all of the small things I would have to adjust to.
The confusion began before I arrived. The Couchsurfing profile is for a late middle-age retired teacher, however all of my communication was with her daughter, Pi Toey, who is roughly my age. She never bothered to explain why she answers requests through her mother's profile (I got some kind of explanation for this later on) or even warn me, so in the beginning I was not sure sure who I was talking to. Before arriving I was also sent a set of rules. One of these was that while breakfast would be provided, I had to eat lunch and dinner elsewhere. I had to make sure to have food for lunch and dinner, because Pi Toey's mom would otherwise insist on feeding me, but would later complain about feeding me. This sounded like a trap and was indeed very difficult to maneuver, because at times when I least expected it, I would be offered food, occasionally simply have food set down in front of me. Not only did I want to eat it, but everything I knew about politeness, especially in cultures similar to the culture here, said I was obligated to eat the food. But I also had my instructions. I think I came out ok, but it was an endless struggle.
Our first encounter also set an odd stage. I arrived in Chiang Mai rather late at night, close to 10 pm. I was not expecting to arrive so late, but everything ended up more delayed than I had expected it to be. I had a number of back-up plans in case Pi Toey was not able to host me if I were to come so late, and every time I communicated with her, I checked whether it was ok for me to come or if I should wait until tomorrow. She insisted there was no problem, and yet the first thing she said when they picked me up was how surprised she was that I came so late and that she had assumed I would just stay somewhere along the way. I don't know if she meant it accusingly, but I am always eager to please couchsurfing hosts, especially when I first meet them, and this felt like I was losing points right at the start.
Day to day interaction was somewhat more normal. I would wake up early in the morning, well before Pi Toey, and after her mom. Her mom would start talking to me, telling me stories. I would often sit for one to two hours listening to these stories, only able to sneak in a few words or comments, generally a yes or a no or a quick clarification question. After Pi Toey would wake up she would ask me my plans for the day, which mostly involved trying to get set up for my stay in Chiang Mai: finding a bike, figuring out housing, learning Thai. Mentioning any of these endeavors would lead her to spend the next one to two hours looking online, asking all her friends, and finding creative ways to show me maps that explain where things are to help me with my missions. I was very grateful for the help, but also amazed and concerned at the level of effort. I didn't know if I was culturally obliging her to help by telling her what I was doing.
Perhaps the most awkward situation happened the day before I left. It was Pi Toey's birthday, and her father, who lives in another city, was coming into town to celebrate. Sometime in the afternoon while I was running around town, I received a text message asking me not to come back until after 7 because her dad doesn't like foreigners. Just receiving that message was strange enough, but I decided to oblige, put in an extra buffer and made sure to arrive after 9. In them morning, I woke up and went to the breakfast table to discover Pi Toey's dad sitting there. Shit! What do I do now? Her mother is already setting things for me and calling me over, so I can't escape. I just tried to stay as silent as possible, answer questions politely, finish up and return to my room. I was slow moving that morning, so I was only ready to leave for the city by the early afternoon, when they asked me to join them for Pi Toey's birthday lunch at a nearby restaurant. One night I'm asked to come back home late to avoid running across her dad, the next day I'm invited to lunch with him. I made as clear as I could, in the confines of politeness, that I didn't want to intrude, but they insisted, so I joined. I asked Pi Toey about all of this later and what she had to say more or less boiled down to: he used to really dislike foreigners, but I guess he's over it.
Another Border Crossing
I had ten days between when I arrived in Chiang Mai and when my parents arrived for a short visit. I tried to spent most of that time hanging out with my Kalamazoo College friends who were still here on study abroad, and trying to get organized in whatever way possible so that after returning to Chiang Mai post trip with parents I could hit the ground running. I spent time looking for a bike, which I eventually found, tried to learn as much Thai as possible, and looked up Thai language courses and volunteer opportunities. I also spent time wandering about the city and trying to get my bearings as much as possible.
As a side adventure, I had to spend time going on a visa run. Most countries that let you in without a visa will give you 90 days just for the stamp in your passport. I had consulted with my friend Ellen who had spent a lot of time here and did some looking online, and while I knew I was not going to get 90 days here, I was for some reason under the delusion that I would be able to stay long term with stamps alone. There was constant talk of tourist visas, which I mistakenly assumed was a reference to these stamps. But when I crossed the border I only got 15 days. I finally did some more in depth research and had a full conversation with Ellen to realize that tourist visa was not an entry stamp but a not so cheap thing I would have to apply for at a consulate in another country. This is annoying under any circumstance because it means a long expensive trip. I was particularly worried because I discovered this fact on a Tuesday, and my parents were arriving the morning of the following Tuesday. Somehow I had to leave and get my visa in a week, and consulates don't operate on the weekend.
Luckily there are many foreigners in Chiang Mai who have to deal with all of these hoops. I found an agency that would pick me up Wednesday evening and was guaranteed to drop me off at the Thai consulate in Vientiane, the Laos capitol, on Thursday morning while visa applications could still be submitted. Then I could pick up my passport Friday afternoon and hop on the van back to Chiang Mai, arriving by Saturday morning. I was in the clear. I was also lucky to have my awesome friends from K who let me keep my big bag in their dorm and let me crash there a couple of nights.
My stay in Vientiane turned out to be a fun little adventure. I spent the day walking to pretty much every attraction Vientiane has to offer, doesn't amount to much. It's not your typical tourist city. My favorite part was the massive, filthy, tangled local market. I spent hours walking through all of its little alleys and isles just looking at everything and breathing it all in, avoiding the flooded paths when it rained. The most exciting portion of the journey came at night. I had decided not to stay at a hostel or guesthouse. My journey to Thailand ended up much more expensive than I had planned because of all of the unexpected twists and turns. And now this visa run was costing me an additional $150 that I had not planned on spending. Sure, the cheapest beds only ran about $4 a night, but I figured I should cut every corner I could. I spent the day scouring the area for good public sleeping spots, and once it became late enough, went over to check them out. In terms of relative comfort and not being disturbed, most of my spots were great. It was also very warm, so much so that I could barely stand to wear my fleece. The problem was one that seems completely obvious to me after two months in Thailand, but which eluded me then: mosquitoes. They attacked in amazing swarms. I don't generally mind mosquito bites too much. My allergic reaction has gotten weaker over time so that they disappear within a matter of hours. But the buzzing I have yet to get used to, and the tickling feeling when they walk on me or the stinging feeling as they bite me, is more than I can bare. I was able to almost completely cover myself, but I unfortunately did not have socks, and most of the night it was too chokingly hot to remain fully covered. I assumed the night would cool off at some point and they would go away; this was happening it Chiang Mai at the time. I stationed myself at some spot for about half an hour, try to rest as best I could, despite the mosquitoes, and then move on to somewhere else. I tried many different places, but the mosquitoes were in great numbers everywhere. By 4 am I had slept perhaps 30-40 disjointed minutes and was tired of trying. I was by the river and found one of those outdoor exercise parks. I started doing circuits on the machines, waiting for time to pass. I knew a nearby temple opened its doors at 5 am, so when the time finally came I went there. I climbed up a small tower, and there, with the protection of the cold of early morning, the concrete around me, and the height of the tower, I was finally rid of the mosquitoes. I was able to sleep until around 9 when I decided to begin my day and wander around the city again. I had no problems sleeping in the van on the way back to Chiang Mai.
The Family
It's unclear whether my parents use their children's international adventures as an excuse to travel, use travel as an excuse to visit their children, or simply find the combination of children and travel agreeable. What I can say is that since the summer of 2009, I have mostly seen my parents while they have been travelling outside the US. I was very excited for my parents to come. I hadn't seen my mom in over a year and had only seen my dad for a brief few days during that year. Travelling with the parents also means relaxing and forgetting some of the stresses that follow my day-to-day life. I was also a little nervous about the upcoming trip, because of the new stresses that would take their place. My parents and I, especially my mom and I, seem to have some recurring difficulties with certain elements of communication. The greatest difficulties arise around decision making, which is a skill that needs to be constantly exercised while travelling. The last two trips I did with them, in China and in Ecuador, had some marked differences. First, I had at least one sibling with me. My siblings and I may not see eye-to-eye on everything or agree on all travel related preferences, but we have a much easier time understanding and accepting each others positions, and can better support each other in the discussions that follow. Beyond that, in China I was the tour guide. While with my family, we went only to places I had been to before, we had a rough itinerary before they arrived, and I was proficient enough in Chinese, and adept enough at how things functioned in China, that changes or modifications were easy to arrange. In Ecuador, that role fell upon my sister, and my siblings and I all speak Spanish well enough to easily navigate the country. I tried to explain to my parents that we would not have any of these advantages for this trip and so they had to plan everything in advance. But for a number of reasons, some of them out of their control, when we were united in Chiang Mai we had an almost completely blank itinerary to fill.
Despite all the concerns, things went really well. Making the trip successful relied primarily on two things that I am a learning about a lot these days, patience and detachment, or letting things be. I think the conflicts that we were most prone to having were around energy and inclusive decision making. My mom for example, does not walk quickly, but can walk all day long if we are at interesting markets/temples/etc. I can walk quickly but get wiped after a few hours on my feet. I've also grown to detest trip planning, and get exhausted after thinking about plans for more than half an hour. So we often had energy imbalances. The other issue we regularly have is a need for everyone's input on every decision. My parents and I have different travel styles, as you may imagine. They would not, for example, sleep on the streets on Vientiane to save $4. It's very difficult for me to try to weigh decisions from my parents perspective. It's also very difficulty for me to choose between two options that would not normally be my choice. For example, the first afternoon in Chiang Mai, we wandered around trying to find guesthouses, which were all full. We finally found something that was ok for us, but it was a little more expensive than we wanted. It was getting late and my mom was getting tired of walking around. Do we stay or do we keep going? I'm asked what I think. I think I wouldn't stay in a guesthouse if I were travelling. I think I would try to sleep outdoors if I couldn't find a couch. I think if I were determined to stay in a guesthouse I would spend hours and walk my self to exhaustion if I thought it could save me a dollar. But do I think this guesthouse is too expensive for my parents to pay to avoid spending who knows how much time walking around the city looking for something else? I don't have a good answer to that question.
But sparks did not arise and things proceeded smoothly. We were patient with each other. We respected each others decisions, each others silences, each others pace. We did not attach ourselves to particular methods or results. For example, when asked about the guesthouse I was able to say I don't know several times without getting frustrated, and my mom was able to accept that answer after only a few exchanges. We were able to look past differences in approach, enjoy whatever came our way, and focus on spending time with each other. We spent a few days wandering around Chiang Mai, went on a three day hike in the mountains to the north, spent a day slowly walking around Bangkok as I recovered from food poisoning, and snorkeled around the beautiful island of Go Tao in the south. I got to eat a lot of delicious food, sample sweets, and drink many smoothies, things that I usually don't allow myself at all, or only in heavy moderation. I also spent a few weeks sleeping on beds and not thinking too much about where I would sleep the next day. As I said, shifting one set of stresses for another, just like any vacation.
We went back to Bangkok together, they left for the airport, and I stayed for a day, wondered around the city, and left on an evening bus for Chiang Mai. The bus was very sketchy. We got led all around the Kao San area before getting on. When I looked through my bag that was left under the bus after getting off the bus, I discovered some one had gone through it, though luckily I had nothing valuable inside so things were just rearranged but nothing was missing. The bus dropped us off at 5 am in an awkward place way out of town, and the songthaw drivers that came to pick us up wanted far too much money, so I started walking the 5-7 kms to town. Somewhere along the way, some guy in a pick up truck pulled up in front of me and using mostly hand gestures and the 3-4 shared words we had between us, said he could take me to the intersection, about a km up ahead.. I hopped in the back an enjoyed the break from walking. After the intersection, he realized we were still going the same way, so he stopped for me again and took me all the way to the river, leaving me less than half an hour walk from where my bike was parked. I had to sit around until my couchsurfing hosts work up, and then I got on my bike and headed over. Finally, for the first time since early November when I left Tel Aviv, I was going to live in one place for a while. I began my residency in Chiang Mai.
To be continued soon...
To be continued soon...
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